Fat-What? Muslim legal opinions gone wrong

Social Networks only for marriage seeking

A group of middle school boys and girls were arrested today for collaborating on a school project over facebook. 

In other news, fatwa council proves once again that they are not competent enough to make reasonable decisions.  

In future ironic news, cleric who permitted the use of suicide attacks has been killed by suicide attack.  
Afghani Muslims issue a “WTF?! Really, dude? You don’t even live here!” statement to incompetent Pakistani man.  Muslims around the world second the sentiment with a “Seriously man, that’s messed up” response.   

In future ironic news, cleric who permitted the use of suicide attacks has been killed by suicide attack.  

Afghani Muslims issue a “WTF?! Really, dude? You don’t even live here!” statement to incompetent Pakistani man.  Muslims around the world second the sentiment with a “Seriously man, that’s messed up” response.   

Unlawful to vote for "non-practicing" Muslims in Egyptian elections

Egypt welcomes new “interpretation” of democracy? 

Not Permissible to Look at the opposite gender on TV

It is not permissible, because in most cases, the women who appear on television are unveiled and display parts of their ‘Awrah (parts of the body which must remain covered from public gaze) and the men are handsome models of fashionable adornment and this incites temptation (Fitnah) and corruption in most cases.

Fatawa Islamiyah, Darussalam, volume 5, page 106

Finally, an explanation for all the corruption in Muslim majority countries.  

Forbidden to enroll children in schools run by non-Muslims

Illiteracy rates on the rise.  Literalist-Exclusivist Muslims set record for most uneducated.

Being a man in Saudi allows you to get a way with murder

A Saudi “celebrity” preacher rapes, burns, and murders his 5-year-old daughter and is released from jail after agreeing to pay “blood money?” (its half the amount he would’ve paid if his child was a boy) 

Meanwhile, a Sri Lankan teenage girl is beheaded because the baby she was caring for accidentally choked to death? WTF?

Does Wahhabism win the award for the most incorrect/fucked up interpretation of a religion? 

Burkas for Babies

If babies are getting sexually exploited, why is the solution to put a baby in a burka and not the exploiters in straitjackets?

Does this cleric think a burka is a force field of protection from harm? Is that why Batman wears an upside down burka? 

In related news, a correlation is found between increased sales of “Baby’s First Burka” and alarming increase of rickets diagnosis in severely vitamin D deficient toddlers.  

Yoga haraam because of "pagan origins"

Does that mean we all are haraam and tainted? Because if you trace our ancestry, I am sure we all had pagan origins at some juncture in history.  Why would God make me haraam? 

How do muftis keep their groin muscles supple? 

Woman don't need internet guardian

"What if i get lost on the interwebs? how will they find me? I need a guardian" -No Saudi Woman


We can’t empower woman because if they get too smart, they might take away the Men’s jobs! And let’s be real, 1000s of years of patriarchy can’t be wrong, can it? 

Website banned because of bare arms

But sites of people literally baring arms is totally halaal.  People with bear arms still considered an abomination.  

Former US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart apparently inspired the jurisprudence system in Libya.

"Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of Internet"

Ultra-Orthodox Wahhabi Muslims and Jews have a lot in common.  

First SOPA and PIPA, then CISPA, and now this?  Stop bullying the internets! 

"Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of Internet"

Ultra-Orthodox Wahhabi Muslims and Jews have a lot in common.  

First SOPA and PIPA, then CISPA, and now this?  Stop bullying the internets! 

50 Lashes for Swearing in Text Message

50 lashes for swearing in a text? I wonder what the penalty is for texting and driving…oh wait, women aren’t allowed to drive.  

50 lashes? Because violence is always the solution to…anything.

Sex with dead wife permissible

Oh man, we were waiting on this ruling for a while; a definite victory for Team Zombie.  Note: it is still haraam to have sex with ghosts and Hologram Tupac.

Breaking Traffic Rules is Haraam

In an ironic turn of events, Dubai’s grand mufti who issued this fatwa was pulled over for running a red light on his way to the mosque.  

Quasi-Rapper Lil B also cautioned at a recent NYU Lecture, “real talk, everybody make sure you wear seat belts, for real.”