Crazy Fatwas! فتاوى مجنونة

“Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of Internet”

Ultra-Orthodox Wahhabi Muslims and Jews have a lot in common.  

First SOPA and PIPA, then CISPA, and now this?  Stop bullying the internets! 

50 Lashes for Swearing in Text Message

50 lashes for swearing in a text? I wonder what the penalty is for texting and driving…oh wait, women aren’t allowed to drive.  

50 lashes? Because violence is always the solution to…anything.

Sex with dead wife permissible

Oh man, we were waiting on this ruling for a while; a definite victory for Team Zombie.  Note: it is still haraam to have sex with ghosts and Hologram Tupac.

Breaking Traffic Rules is Haraam

In an ironic turn of events, Dubai’s grand mufti who issued this fatwa was pulled over for running a red light on his way to the mosque.  

Quasi-Rapper Lil B also cautioned at a recent NYU Lecture, “real talk, everybody make sure you wear seat belts, for real.”

Female Masturbation with Vegetables Allowed!

Brings new meaning to the phrase “tossed salad.”  

Let the Fatwa Wars begin!

Lady Gaga haraam because she can destroy nation's morality

Indonesian morality so fragile, UN vows to supply ethical epoxy to prevent moral erosion following Lady Gaga concert.  

In related affairs:  Her song “Poker Face” also seen as haraam because it promotes gambling. 

Thanks Holy-Crackers!

How things escalate if they go unquestioned

Thanks JulieSaysSo

Saudi Writer Hamza Kashgari Detained in Malaysia Over Muhammad Tweets

Yes, because executing this man for his interesting thoughts about prophecy is the only solution.  Wait, isn’t twitter bid’ah? And, why are these clerics trolling twitter?

In related news, Saudi clerics calling for the execution of Hamza Kashgari have been detained for their alleged use of the internet, a product of evil Western imperialism.   

Barbies and the Simpsons banned in Iran

In an interesting twist, Simpsons creator Matt Groening claimed Mahmoud Ahmedinejad would be an appropriate stand-in for Homer Simpson.  

Where Art and Catharsis meet

stupidshitwhitepeoplesay:

This project started by two women, one of them being Holy-Crackers, is very important to us, and something we fully support and hope to contribute to.  The current culture on sexual abuse and violence can be curbed, and it begins by creating a space for victims or loved ones of victims to share their stories, thoughts, ideas, and solutions.  There is no need for silence and taboo, it only keeps our society from progressing.  Like them on facebook as well!

Please reblog and spread the word! 

Women should not study the sciences because these disciplines do not suit them

Surprisingly enough, home-making, house wife, and sex slave were not included as professions suited for women.  In related news, Nobel Foundation under attack for awarding prizes to women for achievements in science:

Physics:
1903 Marie Sklodowska Curie
1963 Maria Goeppert Mayer

Chemistry:
1911  Marie Sklodowska Curie
1935 Irene Joliot-Curie
1964 Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin
2009 Ada E. Yonath

Physiology & Medicine:
1947 Gerty Radnitz Cori
1977 Rosalyn Sussman Yalow
1983 Barbara McClintock
1986 Rita Levi-Montalcini
1988 Gertrude Elion
1995 Christiane Nusslein-Volhard
2004 Linda B. Buck
2008 Francoise Barre-Sinoussi
2009 Elizabeth H. Blackburn
2009 Carol W. Greider  

Taking pictures or video is not allowed

“It is not allowed to take pictures of beings that have souls, a rule encompasses cameras and other instruments, with the exception of pictures that are necessary, such as a passport or identity photo. There is no ruling for television itself, but rather for how it is used. If it used for what is unlawful - such as for music, for lies, for disbelief, or for licentiousness - then it is unlawful.”

Fatawa Islamiyah Vol. 8 Page 175

So remember, the only people you are allowed to take pictures of are Gingers because they have no souls.  

Nike products are haraam

Adidas sees sudden rise in sales among Muslim athletes. 

Slogan “Just do it” is officially endorsed by the Israeli Defense Force.   

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Thank you frowzyteenager for the submission!

Ninja Turtles and fun are haraam in Christianity 

Shit Muslims Say