Crazy Fatwas! فتاوى مجنونة

In future ironic news, cleric who permitted the use of suicide...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:24:41 -0500

In future ironic news, cleric who permitted the use of suicide attacks has been killed by suicide attack.

Afghani Muslims issue a “WTF?! Really, dude? You don’t even live here!” statement to incompetent Pakistani man. Muslims around the world second the sentiment with a “Seriously man, that’s messed up” response.

Unlawful to vote for "non-practicing" Muslims in Egyptian elections

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:17:25 -0500

Unlawful to vote for "non-practicing" Muslims in Egyptian elections:

Egypt welcomes new “interpretation” of democracy?

Not Permissible to Look at the opposite gender on TV

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:15:55 -0500

Not Permissible to Look at the opposite gender on TV:

It is not permissible, because in most cases, the women who appear on television are unveiled and display parts of their ‘Awrah (parts of the body which must remain covered from public gaze) and the men are handsome models of fashionable adornment and this incites temptation (Fitnah) and corruption in most cases.

Fatawa Islamiyah, Darussalam, volume 5, page 106

Finally, an explanation for all the corruption in Muslim majority countries.

Forbidden to enroll children in schools run by non-Muslims

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:15:19 -0500

Forbidden to enroll children in schools run by non-Muslims:

Illiteracy rates on the rise. Literalist-Exclusivist Muslims set record for most uneducated.

Being a man in Saudi allows you to get a way with murder

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:13:00 -0500

Being a man in Saudi allows you to get a way with murder:

A Saudi “celebrity” preacher rapes, burns, and murders his 5-year-old daughter and is released from jail after agreeing to pay “blood money?” (its half the amount he would’ve paid if his child was a boy)

Meanwhile, a Sri Lankan teenage girl is beheaded because the baby she was caring for accidentally choked to death? WTF?

Does Wahhabism win the award for the most incorrect/fucked up interpretation of a religion?

Burkas for Babies

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 15:16:29 -0500

Burkas for Babies:

If babies are getting sexually exploited, why is the solution to put a baby in a burka and not the exploiters in straitjackets?

Does this cleric think a burka is a force field of protection from harm? Is that why Batman wears an upside down burka?

In related news, a correlation is found between increased sales of “Baby’s First Burka” and alarming increase of rickets diagnosis in severely vitamin D deficient toddlers.

Yoga haraam because of "pagan origins"

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:48:37 -0500

Yoga haraam because of "pagan origins" :

Does that mean we all are haraam and tainted? Because if you trace our ancestry, I am sure we all had pagan origins at some juncture in history. Why would God make me haraam?

How do muftis keep their groin muscles supple?

Photo

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 13:49:17 -0500

Woman don't need internet guardian

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:55:14 -0400

Woman don't need internet guardian :

“What if i get lost on the interwebs? how will they find me? I need a guardian” -No Saudi Woman

We can’t empower woman because if they get too smart, they might take away the Men’s jobs! And let’s be real, 1000s of years of patriarchy can’t be wrong, can it?

Website banned because of bare arms

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:25:00 -0400

Website banned because of bare arms:

But sites of people literally baring arms is totally halaal. People with bear arms still considered an abomination.

Former US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart apparently inspired the jurisprudence system in Libya.

“Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of...

Fri, 25 May 2012 14:26:10 -0400

“Ultra-Orthodox Jews Rally to Discuss Risks of Internet”

Ultra-Orthodox Wahhabi Muslims and Jews have a lot in common.

First SOPA and PIPA, then CISPA, and now this? Stop bullying the internets!

50 Lashes for Swearing in Text Message

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:31:43 -0400

50 Lashes for Swearing in Text Message:

50 lashes for swearing in a text? I wonder what the penalty is for texting and driving…oh wait, women aren’t allowed to drive.

50 lashes? Because violence is always the solution to…anything.

Sex with dead wife permissible

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 12:21:00 -0400

Sex with dead wife permissible:

Oh man, we were waiting on this ruling for a while; a definite victory for Team Zombie. Note: it is still haraam to have sex with ghosts and Hologram Tupac.

Breaking Traffic Rules is Haraam

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 16:13:24 -0400

Breaking Traffic Rules is Haraam:

In an ironic turn of events, Dubai’s grand mufti who issued this fatwa was pulled over for running a red light on his way to the mosque.

Quasi-Rapper Lil B also cautioned at a recent NYU Lecture, “real talk, everybody make sure you wear seat belts, for real.”

Female Masturbation with Vegetables Allowed!

Thu, 29 Mar 2012 12:34:31 -0400

Female Masturbation with Vegetables Allowed!:

Brings new meaning to the phrase “tossed salad.”

Let the Fatwa Wars begin!

Lady Gaga haraam because she can destroy nation's morality

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 13:25:18 -0400

Lady Gaga haraam because she can destroy nation's morality:

Indonesian morality so fragile, UN vows to supply ethical epoxy to prevent moral erosion following Lady Gaga concert.

In related affairs: Her song “Poker Face” also seen as haraam because it promotes gambling.

Thanks Holy-Crackers!

How things escalate if they go unquestioned Thanks JulieSaysSo

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 15:10:00 -0500

How things escalate if they go unquestioned

Thanks JulieSaysSo

Saudi Writer Hamza Kashgari Detained in Malaysia Over Muhammad Tweets

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 14:01:22 -0500

Saudi Writer Hamza Kashgari Detained in Malaysia Over Muhammad Tweets:

Yes, because executing this man for his interesting thoughts about prophecy is the only solution. Wait, isn’t twitter bid’ah? And, why are these clerics trolling twitter?

In related news, Saudi clerics calling for the execution of Hamza Kashgari have been detained for their alleged use of the internet, a product of evil Western imperialism.

Barbies and the Simpsons banned in Iran

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:23:19 -0500

Barbies and the Simpsons banned in Iran:

In an interesting twist, Simpsons creator Matt Groening claimed Mahmoud Ahmedinejad would be an appropriate stand-in for Homer Simpson.

Women should not study the sciences because these disciplines do not suit them

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:46:00 -0500

Women should not study the sciences because these disciplines do not suit them:

Surprisingly enough, home-making, house wife, and sex slave were not included as professions suited for women. In related news, Nobel Foundation under attack for awarding prizes to women for achievements in science:

Physics:
1903 Marie Sklodowska Curie
1963 Maria Goeppert Mayer

Chemistry:
1911 Marie Sklodowska Curie
1935 Irene Joliot-Curie
1964 Dorothy Crowfoot Hodgkin
2009 Ada E. Yonath

Physiology & Medicine:
1947 Gerty Radnitz Cori
1977 Rosalyn Sussman Yalow
1983 Barbara McClintock
1986 Rita Levi-Montalcini
1988 Gertrude Elion
1995 Christiane Nusslein-Volhard
2004 Linda B. Buck
2008 Francoise Barre-Sinoussi
2009 Elizabeth H. Blackburn
2009 Carol W. Greider